Employees whine. Employees lie. Employees will talk about me behind my back. They take frequent breaks and extended lunches. They will take personal phone calls and check their Facebook profiles. They shop online and disappear from their desks. They will pretend to like me and invite me for drinks after work (I NEVER have drinks after work, I don't want to be your friend, I am your BOSS) and I KNOW that you are, deep inside, secretly after my job and will do everything within your Oedipal brain to defeat me in this proverbial pissing contest. Okay, that last part isn't true of ALL employees, but every boss has that guy or girl in the office/warehouse/dungeon who is watching your every move and waiting for a single stumble so they can take advantage of your misfortune. Watch your back out there, who you thought was a measly, whiny employee just might be after your job.
Colleagues are another frustration in the workplace. We pretend to be friends and we have our inside jokes and secret handshakes. We'll talk about the game last night. We'll ask about the kids, the wife, the husband... but honestly, we only do this to keep a certain measure of cheerfulness with those who work around us, who share our titles or work in other departments and all these micro-social interactions are simply interferences. You're wasting my time. I need to be somewhere. I need to meet someone. I'm on my way to lunch. My beckoning turkey sandwich is far more interesting than what you did this weekend, so please don't ask me about my Monday.
Customers, for the most part, are pretty forgettable. We'll make you feel like you're the most important person in our lives (for that day or week or whatever) and we might take you to lunch or dinner, invite you out for a drink to discuss business, but we don't really like you. We're pampering you to make a sale and you know we're doing it and you're an asshole for taking advantage of it. Let's call it what it is and cut to the chase a little more often. It doesn't matter how expensive that steak was last night or how much you enjoyed the basketball game from our box seats, part of me wants to see you choke on an appetizer.
Every Boss has a Boss which puts both parties in a bit of a predicament. Most bosses are terrible at their job. Painfully unprepared for managing people and improperly trained for overseeing the development of an entire department/office/country, most bosses are in WAY over their heads. It's that can-do attitude that got us here and it's that can-do attitude that will get us to avoid any confrontation with the Big Boss. That's when the Boss becomes an employee and lies, takes personal phone calls, extended lunches and disappears from their desk, all in hopes of avoiding any possible confrontation, altercation or awkward conversation. Secretly, we bosses are, deep inside, looking for a way out or a way up and that means taking the job of our Boss.
Basically, it sucks to be a Boss. The next time you sneer in our direction or wish you were sitting at our desk, look at the list above and remember what you would have to deal with. It's YOU we have to deal with and you're no angel.
If you're a whiny employee and would like to complain, you can reach Blog Boss HR at BlogBossHR@gmail.com
Happy Monday
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